This weekend, I addressed a group of parents at St. Augustine's parish in Oakland on the topic of family & life balance. The parents meet each week to share thoughts about raising children, balancing all that life has thrown their way, and finding ways to engage youth in exploring, understanding (and sticking with) their faith. The group raised many interesting issues such as: what rules to set with the family to ensure that youngsters and young adults actively participate in faith? When to enforce activities (such as church every Sunday) with youth? what to do if one of the parents is involved in their faith but the other is not? When to stop being pushy about faith and allow our youngsters to grow on their own and on their own volition? We all talked about our own faith formation as children and young adults and what turning points we found in our own lives.

How do our children find their own faith and ways to tackle life balance? There is no "one size fits all" answer to questions like this, but it reminded me of the "juggling act" of being a parent. Several have said that faith is "caught", not "taught". I personally believe it's a bit of both. Some parents do seem to lead by example - both good and bad examples. The Dad who doesn't go with the family to church because he values football or basketball games sets an example as much as the mother who teaches her how to pray before each meal. By modeling parents beliefs and behaviors, children may learn something about "religion" (good or bad), and sometimes even may learn about something bigger than themselves. At the same time, there likely comes an "inflection" point in each child's life where they reach their own decision about faith. Sometimes this is brought about by an event (death of someone close, for example) that challenges the individual's mortality or belief in a higher being. Sometimes it's by watching trusted friends who may gravitate toward or away from God. Even the presence of spirituality (for example simple prayers by parents during the day) or absence of it (no one ever discusses god or spirituality) will impact the child.

What, then, might be some ways to engage young ones in the development of faith? How do we get them to think about life balance at an early age. Five ideas come to mind from my experience: activities, socializing, media, family rituals and giving back/charity.

Youth groups, which are found in many churches and temples in the US are one great way for kids to engage with one another and perhaps find God in the process (or at least a reminder of God). Often there is a social element to this - for example, in the Bay area a church called Crosswinds (Dublin, CA), is well known for its summer "houseboat" trips that hundreds of youths participate in - and many a child has returned from these "social" events a changed being. Depending upon the child, music or artistic ministry can be a great way to engage youth with their spirituality.

With youth today, media has an influence - Internet sites, books, magazines and movies. Encouraging a youngster to talk about a movie (example Fireproof ,out this past summer) that has a life message, or talk about a book they've read (Stephen Covey's son has a series of books out on life priorities and balance, for example, that are popular with youngsters). Sometimes my children will (out of the blue?) ask me my thoughts on God, religion and faith. These are "moments of truth" for me. Am I prepared with a helpful answer. Do I use that moment to share or teach?

Many families have regular rituals - such as daily meals together prefaced with a prayer (in our family, each child takes turns leading the prayer and we rotate each time together), or prayer/song before bedtime, or weekly family visits with to church. At the Catholic Community of Pleasanton, several families took the lead in creating an entire ministry in which groups of 4-6 families meet on a regular basis at homes to enjoy each others' company, share Bible readings, undertake community projects together. This is cross family and inter-generational faith formation -- very powerful.

Teaching by example, with giving or charity is also a great reminder to children of where priorities lie. In my family, each daughter has had a chance to visit an impoverished country in which http://www.opportunity.org is making a local impact. When we do this in the context of generosity and faith, the children internalize it. Other families I know regularly take their children on mini-missions (building homes in Mexico, feeding the poor at soup kitchens, sharing blankets with the homeless).

Sure, kids may "wander" away from their faith as they grow older - but many eventually find their way back if they have been given a strong foundation. It is often not apparent to parents during "teen" years that anything they've attempted to set as grounding has been internalized...but speak to many parents once their children reach adulthood and you soon realize what a big impact we can have on our children...even when it appears we are not getting through.